


Five Things Steve Can't Do (But Danny and Catherine Can)

by Huntress69



Series: Three To Tango [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/M, Het, Humor, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:23:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Pseudo 5X Fic (Note: 1-4 written in present tense with minimal dialogue)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve Can't Blow A Bubble (Steve/Danny/Catherine)

**Author's Note:**

> Turned into a (VERY) slight AU so I could include Jenna and Lori.

**Disclaimer: Not mine, but should anyone opt to sue me, please bring Alex and Scott into the courtroom so I can see them in person.**

**********

Steve, Danny, and Catherine have been living together for a while now and they're happy. They keep their living arrangements low-key, there's no need to advertise it, and although they don't hide it, few are aware of it.

It works for them.

Danny and Catherine are very open about their pasts, but Steve is still closed-mouthed about parts of his.

Not the Naval Intelligence or CIA parts - those they already know about...mostly.

It's the little everyday things that they begin to discover about Steve over time that make them love him even more, if that were even possible....

**++++++++++**

** 1\. Steve Can't Blow A Bubble **

They're sitting out on the lanai when Catherine digs around in her bag and pulls out a pack of Hubba-Bubba. She tosses a piece to each of them and while Danny grins, Steve makes a new face, and Danny is sure he's reading it wrong - Steve looks apprehensive.

They each pop a piece into their mouths and within minutes Danny and Catherine are trying to outdo one another to see who can make a bigger bubble.

Steve just chews his gum, and when they challenge him, he spits his gum into the wrapper, dumps it in the trash, sulks and walks inside.

Danny and Catherine follow him and it takes Danny a moment to figure it out.

Steve doesn't know how to blow a bubble.

Danny and Catherine laugh over that, and playfully mock him, but Steve takes it to heart and bounds upstairs, slamming the door to the bedroom. They follow him up, only to find him sitting on the bed with his elbows on his knees, his chin in his palms, wearing face #9 - pout. A child can blow a bubble, but he can't.

They so love Steve like this; very few get to see this side of him. To the world at large, Steve McGarrett is a hardass SEAL, who could kill you with a glare - and a toothpick; some at the HPD actually flee the office when he enters. But to his ohana he's just plain Steve, who is very much a human being, one with many emotional layers including, yes, childish moments.

Danny and Catherine sit down next to him and while Catherine pulls off his shirt, Danny works on his pants. 

Getting Steve naked is no walk in the park when he's pissy; he fights every inch of the way. 

But once his clothes have been tossed, along with theirs, they push him onto his back.

Ten minutes later they've taught him there are things that are more fun to blow then bubbles.

**++++++++++**


	2. Steve Can't Pop A Wheelie (Steve/Danny, Steve/Catherine, Steve/Danny/Catherine)

** 2\. Steve Can't Pop A Wheelie **

The trio go bike riding in the neighborhood one Saturday afternoon.

Catherine rides fast, calling them "old men" when they can't keep up.

Danny smirks and rushes past her, then lifts the front end of his bike and sails like that for a good 10 feet.

Catherine pops hers up and spins around - three times.

Steve attempts to do the same but loses his balance and crashes down, groaning as his knees hit the ground; thankfully he lands on grass, not on the pavement.

Catherine and Danny lift him up, half-dragging Steve (and the bikes) back to the house. They take Steve upstairs and make him sit down so they can patch him up.

Steve stays still, but he purposely shrieks when Danny cleans his scrapes, and insists they use the 'Superman' band-aids Steve ostensibly bought for Grace. 

Danny finally asks that if they were for Grace, then who were the 'Hello Kitty' ones for?

Steve doesn't answer, he just glares, which sends Catherine into a giggle fit.

They bandage each of his knees and Danny presses a kiss to them, telling Steve he'll live.

Steve frowns and says he thinks he injured more when he fell.

Danny and Catherine grow concerned and ask him where it hurts.

Steve points to each cheek and gets a kiss. His tee is pulled off and he glances at each shoulder, receiving a kiss from Catherine to his right and a bite from Danny on his left. He falls onto his back and removes his shorts and underwear, tossing them across the room, where they land in the hamper.

Danny mutters, "Show-Off," and pulls his own tee over his head. His sneakers are kicked off and he undoes the button and zipper on his jeans slowly, his eyes focused on Steve, watching Steve's eyes watching his hands. Danny's pants are pulled down and he kicks them aside once they're pooled at his feet. His underwear disappears as well and he sits beside Steve with his head propped up against a few pillows, his cock in his palm, lazily jerking himself.

Steve turns his head and sees Catherine is still dressed. He reaches out with one hand and unsnaps her shorts, lowering the zipper and slipping his hand inside. She's already wet and he fingers her for a couple of minutes, as she takes off her shirt and bra, bearing down on his long fingers. 

Catherine nearly falls off her feet as Steve's thumb teases her clit, and his free hand pulls her shorts and underwear down, and she's naked before him. He loves her body, he has since their first night, and after so long he knows every imperfection and every scar. Steve's left arm slides around her waist and his fingers slip deeper - only his arm is holding her upright.

Danny finds the sight of Steve's fingers in Catherine a major turn-on; he doesn't notice he's jerking himself a little faster, holding his cock a little tighter.

Steve notices - there is nothing about Danny he **doesn't** notice in the bedroom. He grabs Catherine by the wrist and pulls her to the bed, motioning her to her knees, and he returns to finger-fucking her. Steve's next move is to slide his fingers in Danny's hair and half-drag Danny's mouth to his body. Steve has a mouth like a toilet and knows every obscene phrase in existence and then some. He's extremely graphic when he gets in these moods and there is no doubt about what he wants at that moment. 

He segues into a vivid description of a blow-job, knowing he'll get it.

Steve is the proverbial poster child regarding **SEX APPEAL** and **SENSUALITY** \- it oozes from his pores - he's difficult to turn down. And right now he's cupping the back of Danny's head and pushing it forward as he maneuvers Danny's mouth further down his body.

Danny just goes with it; he gets off on the times Steve exercises his position as "Alpha Male" and takes charge of things. And as Steve feels safe bottoming for Danny, so Danny feels safe in ceding sexual control to Steve. It's not something that occurs on a daily basis, so neither Danny or Catherine mind. 

Of course the fact that Danny and Catherine **didn't** give into Steve one romantic evening, that they chose to ignore his "Alpha mood" and nobody had any for seven fucking days - because SEALs are known for being stubborn and who knew that Steve McGarrett could go without sex for a week and not bat an eye - no, that has nothing to do with their giving in now.

Danny's licking Steve's length, and he glances up to meet Steve's eyes and they're darker than the norm, and for a moment Danny sees a predator in those eyes. He's not that far off - Steve feels like a grenade waiting to explode. 

Steve's fist is in Danny's hair before he can stop himself and he's forcing Danny's mouth over his hard cock, pushing the limits further than he has in the past. He holds his cock deep and listens to Danny gag before he lifts his head. Steve worries that he went too far, but Danny is leering at him and licking his lips, clearly wanting more. Steve is happy to oblige and as he lowers Danny's head, his cock meets it partway and pulls out before sliding between Danny's lips again. He's going to fuck Danny's mouth, something he's never done. Blow-jobs, yeah, but never actual throat-fucking.

Danny feels the width of Steve's cock between his lips again and he takes it, feels the hot flesh sliding deep and his head is pulled up for a moment and then pushed down, while Steve thrusts up and holds his cock there, feeling it hit the back of Danny's throat before he lets Danny up for a breath. Steve's holding Danny's head still the next time he slips his cock into the wet warmth and begins a slow, steady rhythm, using Danny's mouth for his own pleasure. It's filthy and lewd and Danny does this thing with his tongue while caressing Steve's balls with one hand and pinching his nipples with the other and that nearly makes Steve come - nearly. 

Steve isn't ready to come yet and he can hold it back when need be. 

Danny's jaw is sore after a few minutes and he can't take anymore and forces his head up. His eyes convey the word 'Stop,' and Steve of course does, petting Danny's hair with his left hand while his right hand now has four fingers buried in Catherine's wetness.

Steve reaches for Danny's cock and feels Danny's hand around it - Danny already jerked himself off into orgasm-land. So he focuses his attentions on Catherine, maneuvering his fingers as deep as he can get them.

Catherine grabs hold of the headboard slats for leverage, but Steve's fingers are clearly not enough. 

Steve shifts up the bed to a reclining position and sits Catherine in his lap, holding her above his cock. He sits her upon it slowly, screwing his cock upwards, keeping control. As his cock sinks further inside he begins a fresh assault on her clit and Catherine loses it.

This is new to her, not using condoms, but being she's settled down (sort of) and they're all clean, she opted for birth control pills. It makes things more spontaneous, although she hasn't fully forgiven Steve for the "laundry room incident," as she refers to it. The feeling of bare flesh within her is still overwhelming.

Catherine begins to ride him and Danny's strong arms wrap around her and hold her in place. Catherine's head falls back onto Danny's shoulder and she parts her lips for a kiss, and Danny obliges, and it's pure lust, pure heat - just like every kiss the two have shared; she could drown in them.

But Danny doesn't kiss Catherine like he kisses Steve. He kisses Steve good morning with a light peck on the lips before he brushes his teeth. He kisses Steve when Steve hands him the first cup of coffee for the day. Danny kisses Steve for absolutely no reason whatsoever, anytime, (almost) any place. 

But for Catherine, the kissing remains in the bedroom.

Danny does care for her, but not in the way he cares for Steve - it's more of a physical attraction. As far as he's concerned, only one person can be in your heart, and for him it's Steve. Grace is his soul; Steve his heart. He won't let anyone else in, not now - perhaps not ever.

Catherine doesn't notice, but Steve does. He wants Danny to love her and hopes that someday Danny will. But for now, Danny shares Steve as they agreed; he doesn't touch Catherine unless Steve is with him, and even then the touches are just that - nothing more. There are nights when they all sleep together, and there are nights when Steve sleeps with Catherine and Danny sleeps by himself. The latter are rare. Most nights Steve sleeps with Danny, while Catherine takes the other bedroom. 

But Catherine's quite happy sleeping by herself; Danny's a restless sleeper who tends to take up half of the massive bed and Steve is like a human furnace, and her most refreshing night's sleep have been on her own.

Steve is jolted out of his thoughts by a loud moan from Catherine - Danny is fondling her breasts and kissing her shoulders and her nape and blowing in her ear, biting the lobe, and all the while lifting her up and down the length of Steve's cock.

And she's half out of her mind from four hands roaming her body, hitting each and every hot spot. She's grinding her body down with a fury and she's very glad Danny is holding her because she doesn't have the ability to stay in a semi-upright position. 

The first wave of Steve's come fills her and she screams out her orgasm, but she's quickly silenced by Danny's mouth covering hers. 

And yes, it's the first wave, because that's how Steve comes - like something out of a skin flick. Just when you think he's empty and done, there's more. He pounds inside Catherine while Danny holds her still, until finally he's done, and he frames her face and pulls her down for a kiss.

As they're lying there exhausted, not ready to move yet, Danny asks Steve how his knees are.

Steve says they're miracle workers, because now he is feeling no pain.

**++++++++++**


	3. Steve Can't Sing (Steve/Danny)

** 3\. Steve Can't Sing **

Team night out at the karaoke bar is something new, and they all take turns at the mic.

Kono and Jenna duet on "Don't Know Much" and Jenna hits the high notes like a pro. They share a kiss when they're done and the place erupts in catcalls.

Chin rocks out on "Breathless" and this leads to Malia threatening to break the arms of a woman who plants herself in his lap.

Lori decides on a song close to her heart - "Redneck Woman" - and explains that it reminds her of her mother back in Arkansas; Joe knocks a guy flat when he makes a remark about her breasts.

Max cracks the place up by humming the "Star Trek" theme and ends up with his face smushed in a busty redhead's chest; she thinks Trekkies are "uber-hot".

Catherine croons "I Touch Myself," all the while ogling Steve and Danny.

Danny takes 20 minutes going through the song listings before he decides to warble "Damn Dog," an obscure song from a little-known cult film called "Times Square". He's a little tipsy and halfway through the song he's kneeling between Catherine's legs, resting his cheek on her thigh.

They all turn to Steve, who tells them he's not doing it. Danny whispers something in his ear which makes Steve's eyebrows shoot up, but he still refuses. Three shots of tequila later he finally agrees.

Danny chooses a song for him, and when the words come up on the screen, Steve realizes his song pick is "People Are Strange". It takes him a few seconds to get with the program, and his voice is raspy...and flat - Steve is apparently tone deaf.

There is some laughter from around the bar, but it's not mean and cruel. These things happen in karaoke bars - it's all in fun.

On any other night Steve would take it in stride, smile at Danny and make idle threats, but it's been one of **those** days and tonight he doesn't take the jibes kindly. Halfway through he puts down the mic and nearly runs down three people as he leaves the club, getting a cab right away and going home.

Danny feels terrible, and he and Catherine bid everyone good-night and go to hail their own cab. But unlike Steve, who got one right away, they have to wait a good 20 minutes before one shows up.

They enter the house to find Steve sitting on the floor with a container of drywall joint compound, making a mess as he tries to patch up the wall - apparently Steve threw a fit and kicked a hole there. 

Danny tries to read his expression, but he's not sure what Steve's feeling. One moment he looks angry, the next sad, and for one brief moment he thinks Steve's going to self-combust. 

They want an explanation as to what happened; it was supposed to be an evening of fun, and Steve isn't that bad a singer.

Steve lifts his eyes and explains that he auditioned for a musical in 7th grade, because his parents and sister told him he had a good voice; he was laughed at by a few kids and it hurt. It wasn't until that day he realized his family had never wanted to hurt his feelings about his lack of talent in that area.

Danny never thought he'd be feeding Steve's ego, but at the moment he decides to point out that Steve has many talents. He's an expert marksman and a fountain of knowledge, he can do the New York Times Sunday crossword in less than two hours - with a pen no less - and he can do anything with a car. Didn't he rebuild his father's Marquis so that it now purred like a kitten? Danny looks at Catherine, hoping she'll add something, but she doesn't. For Catherine has always done everything at the top of her class - she's never failed at anything. Unfortunately this comes out of her drunken mouth, which makes Steve feel even worse. Danny gives her a smarmy, "Thanks," as Steve gets pissed again and gives them a terse, "Good night," tells them he's sleeping alone and goes upstairs. He strips down and crawls in to his side of the bed and turns over, not wanting anyone near him.

But Catherine and Danny are not **anyone** and they're not intimidated by his moods, and they follow him.

Danny removes his clothes and spoons behind him, sliding his arm around Steve's body. Steve tries to toss him off but Danny isn't always easily moved.

Catherine watches, and decides that this is one of those nights when Steve needs Danny alone, and she quietly leaves, going across the hall to the other bedroom. Sometimes it happens, where Danny is the only one who can comfort the SEAL. She has learned to accept that; the three may live and love together, but when Steve gets in one of these particular moods, (a cross between kicked-puppy and morose) Danny is the only one who can bring him out of it. 

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Danny plants gentle kisses along Steve's nape before forcing him onto his back. He lays atop Steve and licks the Adam's apple, then nips his way across to Steve's left shoulder, tracing his fingers along the bicep, around the tattoo that now adorns it - 'Danno's Babe' in a heart. Danny rises to his knees and pushes Steve's legs apart, kneeling between them. He flicks his fingers against Steve's nipples a few times and then pulls at them, twisting them a bit - Steve has a thing for pain and Danny discovered that rather early on in their relationship. Not that Steve's a masochist, nor Danny a sadist, but they've learned that a little bit of pain mixed with pleasure turns them both on. Danny reveres the hard planes of Steve's abdomen and makes love to it with his fingertips, his strokes purposely languid. By the time he reaches Steve's cock it's hard and leaking, and Steve is thrusting into the air. Danny loves to tease him, to grasp the length in his palm loosely, just enough to get Steve going, but not enough to get him off. 

He likes to make Steve beg for it.

His mouth enjoys teasing also, and Danny blows hot breath across the tip, watching the pools of precome seep out. He'll suck on each ball for minutes, making Steve a physical wreck, before he urges Steve onto his stomach. Steve's ass is taut and Danny grips it, digging his nails into the bare flesh as he massages the cheeks apart. His mouth teases there also, nipping the cheeks before his tongue darts inside. Danny's good at this and he knows it. The first time he gave Steve a rimming the SEAL greyed out; he'd never been touched like that before.

Steve's rubbing his cock against the sheets, needing the friction, but it's not enough and he's murmuring Danny's name and gasping for breaths, panting out, "Please," moving to his own knees and lifting his ass into the air. He's never been a bottom to anyone but Danny; he's never felt that level of trust. Steve knows with Danny he's always safe, that Danny will stop if he says no, that Danny won't think any less of him.

And even though Steve's never told him this, Danny is more than aware of it and it makes the moments he has with Steve all the more precious. He reaches for the lube but Steve shakes his head vehemently and Danny knows what he wants - Steve wants him to use spit. Yes, there are nights when he gives in to Steve, when Steve needs the raw feel of Danny's cock forcing its way inside Steve's tight hole; but not tonight. Snatching the tube back, Danny glances down at his swollen cock, and no, he is not in the mood to sandpaper it this evening. 

When the first finger enters, Steve moans and grinds down upon it, his body adjusting to the intrusion. When two fingers slip in he arches his body and thrusts backwards. Danny adds a third, easing Steve open, reducing Steve's vocabulary to mindless moans and grunts and "please" and "harder" and "deeper" finally culminating with a gritty "Fuck me!"

Danny's dick finds its way to its home, sliding inside Steve at a snail's pace. One inch and he pulls out, his cock slipping between the cheeks, leaving welts down Steve's back as he scratches. Three inches and he's sliding out again, slapping his cock against Steve's cheeks, along with his hand. He could come from the sight of his palm prints on Steve's bare flesh - Steve doesn't sunbathe nude and the skin is just a little paler there.

Steve is whimpering and thrusting back, needing more.

Danny is happy to oblige, he can't take much more of this, and on his next slide in he buries himself, snapping his hips to drive deeper, giving Steve what he needs. His hand slips to Steve's cock and he jerks it - once, twice, and on the third pull Steve's breath clearly hitches and he's coming hard. Danny thrusts deeper, pushing Steve flat and drilling him into the mattress. He doesn't stop until he's coming, until every last drop has filled Steve's ass.

They lay there for a few minutes, until Steve finally realizes he's lying in the wet spot and it feels more than gross.

Danny finally moves from him and Steve rolls onto his back, still trying to catch a breath. Danny goes to the bathroom and washes up, tossing a cloth to Steve, and then forces Steve into the chair so he can change the sheets. 

They lay down again, both sated, and Steve opens his arm, Danny crawling into his embrace and resting his head on Steve's chest. 

Neither knows who falls asleep first, but they both have a calm and peaceful night's rest.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Catherine comes up with breakfast and words need not be said. She has a bright smile as she places the tray of eggs and English muffins down, along with coffee. 

It's Saturday, and Danny has to leave to get Grace, and the four of them will spend the day at the beach.

Steve and Grace surf, Catherine swims (she doesn't enjoy surfing), and Danny plants himself in a lounger in the shade, reads his new paperback, and bitches (for show these days) about jellyfish and sharks.

They order pizza because that's what Grace wants and then sit down to play board games.

Just like any family.

Grace discovered the Karaoke channel on the TV and thinks it would be fun.

Danny tries to talk her out of it, pointing out that there are other games they can play.

Grace is adamant, and frowns when Steve says he doesn't want to do it, but she climbs into his lap and admits she can't sing, but she has fun with it.

Steve can't say no to her and he agrees and the four of them go on a marathon karaoke bout of 'Lion King' songs. Steve admits it's his second favorite Disney movie, right behind 'Dumbo'. 

Grace hasn't lied - her singing talent is on the same level as Steve's, but she's so happy that he joined in and tells him she's going to audition for the school play. 

Steve doesn't feel as bad as he did the night before, and scoops her into his arms, telling her he's taking her for ice cream - just the two of them. He gives her a sly wink and she grins at him, and as they head out the door they sneak a glance back at Danny and Catherine who are both wearing their saddest faces. Steve and Grace whisper to each other, and then tell the other two that they can come along.

Catherine snatches the keys to the truck - she's driving tonight.

Steve doesn't mind (and even if he did, he has discovered that most times he can't win an argument with her) and gets in the back seat with Grace, while Danny rides shotgun - which lasts for a total of 11 minutes and 33 seconds. That's how long it takes for Catherine to get fed up with Steve's back-seat driving, and she pulls the truck over and switches seats with him.

Steve is smug, until he begins to hear "I-Spy with my little eye" from the back, along with two high-pitched giggles, and by the time they make it to the ice cream shop, both his and Danny's nerves are shot.

Four sundaes are ordered, and they play musical bowls as they all ordered different ice cream and syrup flavors. 

Everything is calm and peaceful, until Grace glances out the window and tells them that she sees men with guns.

Yes, being that they're Steve and Danny and it's their day off, there's a hold-up at the liquor store across the street, which they foil in 60 seconds.

As the robbers flee the store, Danny trips one and he flies headfirst into a car. But of course Steve, being Steve, lifts the other by the jacket and tosses him through the store window just for the hell of it.

By the time HPD arrives, Steve's given Miranda in Russian (but swears he did it properly), Danny's yelling at him for busting the window, and the liquor store owner is threatening to sue Five-0.

Steve brushes it off - they get threatened like that at least twice a month for property damage.

Danny tells two police officers to stay at the store so no further damage is done and the store isn't looted.

The two officers are ready to object, but one glare from Steve and they shut up and take positions for the night. Danny quietly tells them he'll see to it that they're paid double time for this particular duty.

By the time they get back across the street, Catherine and Grace are in a clothing store and 15 minutes later Danny is out $87 for one pair of jeans, 'Hello Kitty' socks and underwear, and four tee-shirts bearing names of bands he's never heard of. And what kind of stupid name is 'My Chemical Romance' anyway?

Steve blows $114 on a new pair of Wolverines and before Danny can stop him, he's next door at the surf shop dropping $315 on an Ed Hardy designer surfboard.

Grace falls asleep on the way home and Danny carries her into the downstairs bedroom, and the three drag themselves upstairs to two different bedrooms. 

House rule number one is no sex when Grace is there - she may know they live together, but they haven't explained the occasional sleeping arrangements and none are in any rush to. On those nights Steve and Danny sleep in one bed, while Catherine takes the other. 

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Grace goes home on Sunday and when Danny returns from dropping her off, Steve and Catherine take turns cheering him up, and reminding him he will get to see her the following weekend.

And then it's Monday again, and Catherine is off to her current job (thanks to Danny) as a 911 operator; she switches them as the mood strikes her. Last month she was a supermarket deli clerk, two months before that she was editing copy for an ad agency. But the operator job is very stressful and she's already lined up her next position - mowing lawns. She so misses being outdoors during the day.

Danny and Steve prepare for a week of getting shot at, chasing perps and piles of paperwork.

**++++++++++**


	4. Steve Can't Cook (Steve/Danny)

** 4\. Steve Can't Cook **

Steve McGarrett can barbeque anything, from steak and shrimp to corn-on-the-cob and plantains.

Steve McGarrett cannot prepare anything off the grill, save for a bowl of cereal.

He tries to make cookies, and Danny has to explain that they don't bake faster if you set the temperature to 500 and stick them under the broiler, pointing out that all you succeed in is setting fire to the kitchen. On the bright side, Steve's Pecan Sandies do assist them in catching a fleeing perp when Danny throws one and hits the bad guy in the head, knocking him cold.

And how is it that Steve - the man with an IQ of 163, who can field-strip an M16A4 (and put it back together) with a blindfold, identify a knife by its shape and size and make Nitro out of everyday household supplies - does not know the difference between tsp and tbs in a recipe? Catherine nearly chokes at the amount of salt, pepper and other spices when she takes her first bite of his meatloaf.

Steve challenges them to do better.

Catherine bakes him pies and cupcakes; Steve apologizes. Of course Steve never gets to see the empty cans of ready-made fruit filling and Keebler ready-to-bake pie crust labels or Duncan Hines boxes. Yes, Catherine finally discovers something she fails at, and if it isn't instant and microwavable, she doesn't go near it in the kitchen.

Danny makes breakfast. Real breakfast. And serves it to Steve in bed. Naked.

Steve's not sure which he wants more - naked Danny or the stack of pancakes, with fresh strawberry compote and a large mound of home-whipped cream. He opts for the food, he needs his energy, but after two bites he decides he's made a mistake - he'd rather have naked Danny for breakfast. Well, almost naked. Moving the tray aside, he dips his finger into the compote and brings it to Danny's mouth and paints his lips with it.

Danny's tongue edges out ever so slightly as he tastes it and moans.

Steve pushes him onto his back and spreads his legs, kneeling between them. He can't resist covering Danny's nipples in the thick fruit topping. He laves the tiny nubs, teasing them, making Danny's breath hitch and then bites ever so gently. Steve's not done, not by far, and he drizzles syrup on Danny's stomach, tracing patterns in the skin with his tongue as he laps it up. He dips a finger into the whipped cream and casually mentions that the stuff could be used as lube.

Danny's cursing up a blue streak, his cock stiff and straight, ordering Steve to "get to the fucking." He should know better than to order him to do anything when Steve's focused on foreplay - it makes the SEAL more mischievous. 

Steve wipes the cream over the tip of Danny's cock and twirls his tongue around the hole before suckling on the head. He brings his mouth up and licks his lips, and then proceeds to paint Danny's cock with the cream, his tongue following the path of his fingers. Steve see's Danny's hands reach for him but he grabs them and holds them down. He's making a meal of Danny's cock and he won't be interrupted or rushed - he'll do this in his own time.

Danny, on the other hand, is out of patience and wrenches one hand free, grabbing Steve by the hair and pulling his face up. "Get to the fucking," he repeats, but this time it's not an order; this time Danny is pleading. 

Steve gives in and brings his mouth up, smirking as he gathers the cream on his fingers and lifts Danny's left leg over his shoulder, leaving Danny bared to him. He teases Danny's hole with one finger before it slips inside; Danny opens for him. Steve tortures for a while with the lone finger, knowing how badly Danny wants his cock. His dick's going to burst soon and he needs to be inside Danny when he comes; it's the ultimate possession for him. But Steve needs to draw this out just a little longer; he needs to take Danny to new heights of pleasure. When Danny's hand reaches for his cock, Steve presses it down on the mattress - Danny's not coming until Steve's permits it. He gathers more cream on his fingers and the scent is heady and along with two fingers now, were Steve's lips, followed by his tongue. Steve adds number three and shoves them deep and brushes that one spot...

...and that's when Danny's brain checks out. All he knows is what his body wants and Steve isn't giving it to him and its sexual agony. He's desperate and riding Steve's tongue and tearing at the sheets and its only when he sobs out Steve's name that Steve gives in. 

Steve loves to watch Danny come undone, knowing he's the cause of it. God knows Danny's done it to him often enough. His cock slips in slow, almost graceful, and he's holding Danny still, feeling Danny's muscles contracting, trying to drag him deeper. 

Danny's eyes are closed, every nerve in his body is on fire; all he feels is Steve. He reaches out blindly for Steve's chest, the tips of his fingers trailing up and down, hearing Steve's breathy sighs. Danny then changes tactics and rakes his nails down the skin, wringing a deep moan from Steve. He takes that moment to open his eyes and sees Steve's are shut tightly and he's concentrating, murmuring Danny's name. Steve's full attentions are focused upon him as usual and Danny is still trying to wrap his head around that. He's never been with anyone who derived so much pleasure in giving their love as Steve does.

It's a major turn-on and Danny's right leg curls around Steve's ass and he maneuvers Steve forward and moans as Steve fills him. He doesn't want to make love - he wants to be fucked. 

A few leisurely thrusts and Steve finally gets with the program. He watches now, sees his cock slide in and out of Danny's hole. He's making Danny beg for more, and then he's pounding inside, taking what's his. Steve spits on his hand and takes Danny's swollen cock in his fist, jerking him slow and easy and when Danny's eyes roll back Steve knows he hit Danny's prostate. Once he finds that spot he doesn't lose it. 

Danny's hand wraps around Steve's and he forces Steve to jerk him faster and then he's coming and close to passing out from the stimulation. 

But Steve's not done yet and he pulls Danny's leg from his waist and fucks him harder, until it's his turn to fly apart and he does so with a sharp gasp. 

It takes a few moments for the two to come down from their respective orgasms and Steve presses soft kisses to Danny's cheeks, the tip of his nose and his forehead. He won't go near Danny's mouth after a rimming - not until he's brushed his teeth, scrubbed his tongue and rinsed his mouth out. Danny's rule, not his.

They find themselves laughing at the mess and opt for a shower, and then they'll clean it up.

Catherine returns from her early morning shopping trip and comes upstairs as they're exiting the bathroom. She glances at the bed and her eyes grow wide and she's screaming at the top of her lungs - these are the new sheets she bought, they're 600-thread count Egyptian cotton and now they're ruined. 

Danny tells her to buy new ones and when Catherine tells him how much they were he goes stark white and nearly falls off his feet.

Steve happily tells them he'll just put in a requisition form for a new set, explaining that these were ruined the last time bad guys trashed the house.

**~~~~~~~~~~**


	5. Steve Can't Tend Bar (Steve/Danny)

** 5\. Steve Can't Tend Bar **

It began with Catherine's latest job, tending bar at Side Streets. After six months as a civilian, the former naval officer thought she had finally found her niche in everyday life.

She was a terrific listener, could dole out advice in a heartbeat, and the regulars took to her quickly. And the fact that she was lovely to look at didn't hurt her either. Yes, she was the proverbial 'independent woman', she had more than proven that in the Navy, but at the same time, if being pretty 'paid the rent' then who was she to argue? It wasn't as if she used her looks to get where she was.

But there were also the other end of customers, the one-timers, those who made illegal deals at the tables, in the pool room and sometimes right in front of her. Weed deals she ignored and even the occasional dealing in X made her turn a deaf ear. But when you overhear a heroin deal being discussed (and why do dealers think using the phrase "China White" will fool anyone?) and you recognize one of the men as a Senator's son, you have to tell somebody who'll take the appropriate measures, in a logical, calm, sane and subtle manner.

Catherine informed Chin on her break.

Chin came up with a viable solution; actually Malia did, but she told Chin he could take credit for it.

Steve and Danny would go undercover as bartenders; it would be a perfect cover. It wouldn't be so hard to get them hired - the bar owner was a childhood friend of Chin's.

From what Catherine had heard, the deal was scheduled to happen sometime the following weekend, and they had to be prepared.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

On Tuesday evening Steve didn't arrive home until almost 10. He'd had a late meeting with the Governor, which was supposed to start at 4, but due to other circumstances, didn't begin until 7:30. He found Danny watching TV, and noticed the bottles on the table. 

"It's about time you arrived," Danny stood and grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him in for a kiss, and then ambled over to the table.

Steve stared at him, or rather his ass, looking positively delicious in the tight jeans Danny had taken to wearing around the house. Since they had moved in together, Danny was more relaxed with his wardrobe at home and had even worn cut-offs a few times. He unlaced his boots without taking his eyes from Danny's rear.

"Stop looking at my ass you pervert." Danny turned around and waved his arm out. "This is all here for a reason."

"Danny, I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, but alcohol won't solve the problems." Steve picked up a bottle of Grey Goose. "Although I will say you have good taste in vodka."

"No, you goof," Danny snickered. "This is for the undercover op. I figured we could practice - you show me what you can make, I show you mine, and together we should have it all covered." He lined up quite a few bottles. "I figure we'll practice with the vodka first; it's a good mixer and it's also my alcohol of choice."

"I thought your favorite was tequila?"

"No, that's **yours**." Danny took the bottle from him. "I prefer vodka."

"I can make a martini," Steve nodded, "and I can do a _Melon Ball_ also."

"I hate to break it to you, but there's not a big call for _Melon Balls_ anymore; sorry."

"No?" Steve was disappointed. "I used to make a good one; ask Catherine."

"I believe you, Steve. And since you apparently have no sense at all about mixology, I will just have to teach you." Danny looked confident. "Imagine that - me teaching you and you having to actually pay attention."

"Where'd you learn to bartend, Danny?"

"It's tend bar, you miscreant, and my sister Cheryl, the one who likes guns as much as you, owns a bar and on occasion I worked there," he went on to explain, "plus I tended bar to help myself through college. I can mix anything." Danny pointed out the different brands of vodka, from the lower end (Smirnoff) to medium (Stolichnaya) and, lastly, to his beloved Grey Goose. He then separated out the different juices and liqueurs. "Let's start simple - you make your martini."

Steve did and handed it to Danny, who drank it in one gulp. "Not bad, Steve, but add a little bit more vodka. Just because the boss says use 1 shot, you don't, not if you want happy customers. One shot equals one and a half shots in the real world." He then made his own and handed it to Steve.

"Not bad, Danny," Steve had to agree, "but how do you do on _Appletini's_?"

"I do all right, but those are easy to blend drinks; vodka and flavoring. No, we need to work on something different." Danny tossed him a book. "I bought it earlier, just in case I forgot something - it's a bartending manual."

Steve opened it up and had barely glanced at page one when Danny's voice startled him.

"We'll start with _Sex on the Beach_." 

"Danno," Steve grinned, "I've been trying to get you to do that for months now; Cath enjoys it."

"What? No, Steven, it's a drink."

"Oh," Steve shrugged, "I didn't know."

Danny sighed and poured out the vodka, peach schnapps, and cranberry and orange juices. He shook them together with ice and then strained the drink, holding it out to Steve. "What do you think?" 

"It's okay." Steve drank a little and licked his lips. "A little too much peach though."

Danny made another one, this time with too much cranberry, and worked on two more, and they finally agreed that the two latter ones were perfect, and so they indulged in one more drink each.

"Now I am going to give you the best _Blow Job_ you've ever had." Danny blew Steve a kiss without thinking.

"I could go for that," Steve sighed, feeling his cock twitch. "It's been a long day."

"It'll be refreshing," Danny pointed out. "You're going to love it."

"Oh yeah, Danno, I am so ready." Steve undid the button on his cargos.

"Good." Danny grabbed a bottle. "For this one we use raspberry flavored vodka, along with Sprite." He mixed them. "You can use 7-UP, but it isn't quite the same." He drank it. "Too much Sprite." Danny worked on a second one, sipped at it, then handed it to Steve. "What do you think?"

"This is a _Blow Job_." Steve took the glass. "Not quite what I was thinking when you said it."

"I know," Danny nodded, "raspberry vodka is not my primary choice either." He made one more for each of them, using 2 brands of vodka to show Steve the difference. "How about a _Screaming Orgasm_?" 

"I don't know about screaming, Danny, but whatever floats your boat; I'll do my best." 

"Hmm...." Danny was thinking. "We can practice mutual, multiple and ultimate."

"Yeah, any or all of the above." Steve pulled at the hem of his shirt, ready to yank it over his head. "I vote for ultimate." His shirt flew across the room.

"Why are you taking off your shirt? Is there danger lurking about?" Danny asked as he picked up the Triple Sec and the Irish Cream. "Never mind; I don't care. Now, we don't have Kenya Gold, which would be the better mixer, but Kahlua can substitute."

Steve felt his cock deflate rapidly. "What do you define as a **mutual** orgasm, Danno?"

"Amaretto liqueur, some crème de cacao, cream and vodka." Danny made one, drank it, stuck his tongue out in disgust, and made 2 more, drinking them both, finally satisfied with the blend.

Steve sat down hard, running his fingers through his hair. "And how do we get to multiple?"

"That's...oh, we can't do that one. I don't have orange liqueur." 

"No multiple orgasms tonight." Steve chuckled half-heartedly, and consulted the bartending guide on these drinks, because he wondered if Danny was making them up just to sexually frustrate him. "Perhaps we'll have the screaming?"

Danny blended the vodka, Bailey's, and Kahlua, and gave it to Steve.

"What's next, Danny?" Steve groaned, almost afraid of the answer.

"How about a _Golden Shower_?" Danny asked seriously.

"WHAT?!"

"You've never indulged?" Danny frowned. "It's a personal favorite of mine."

"You...you...you like those, Danny?" Steve stammered as his voice cracked and his eyes went wide as saucers. 

"Don't you? I figured it would be right up your alley."

"No, Danny, I have no interest in them. Why would you think I did?"

"You like vodka and ginger ale, and it has both orange and lemon juices, plus a splash of triple sec."

Steve slapped his palms over his face, but did down two of them, agreeing they were tasty, while Danny had one. "Dare I ask what else you have in mind?"

" _Butt Sex_." 

"It's about time," Steve muttered to himself.

"It's similar to a _Golden Shower_ ," Danny continued, "but you leave out the ginger ale and orange juice, and add espresso. Actually, you start with the coffee." Danny noticed the pink tinge to Steve's cheeks. "You okay, babe? You look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine, Danny," Steve whimpered. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

"You also add whipped cream to _Butt Sex_."

"Of course you do." Steve's cock had come back to life and was ready to drill a hole in his pants. "What's next?"

"How about a slow, comfortable screw?" Danny was more than a little buzzed and he was enjoying the feeling.

Steve picked up the guide and searched the index. " _Slow Comfortable Screw_ \- sloe gin, Southern Comfort peach and OJ." He put it down. "Sure, Danny, why not?"

Danny palmed Steve's crotch and squeezed, then stepped back. "A slow," his shirt was tossed, "comfortable," his pants and underwear came down and off, "screw." 

"Not the drink?" Steve was a little wary. 

"No, not the drink." Danny ran a finger down Steve's bare chest. "Why would you think that?" 

Steve shrugged. "Sex on the Beach, a Blow-Job, various orgasms - I wanted to be sure."

It took Danny a minute to get it. "Those are real drinks, Steve, and they're very popular. Now lose the pants." 

"Yes sir." Steve let them drop and stepped out of them. "You want the underwear gone also?" 

"That would help." Danny watched them drop also and gave Steve the once over - twice. "How did I get you?"

"Your fat mouth," Steve took Danny's hands in his, "your flapping arms," he pulled Danny close and rested his forehead against Danny's, "and your caustic wit."

"Caustic? I think I have a wonderful sense of humor." Danny smirked. "I sleep with you, don't I?"

"I was going to blow you, but now I don't think I want to." Steve huffed and let Danny's hands go. "I'll get myself off." He sat in one of the chairs, fingering his cock and gathering some pre-come on his fingertips, and made a big production over wiping those fingers over his lips before sucking on them. "I taste good," he murmured, his tongue snaking out along his lips. He licked his palm and grasped his cock with his left hand, stretching his legs out so he was almost sprawled in the chair. 

Danny could do nothing but stare between Steve's legs; Steve had never jerked off in front of him before.

"You like this, Danny?" Steve wrapped his hand around his swollen cock and fucked his fist at a leisurely pace. He teased his ass for a moment before sliding one spit-soaked finger inside. "Ahh, that's nice." Steve added a second, jerking himself a little faster. 

Without taking his eyes from Steve, Danny moved his own hand down, his cock thick and full in his hand. "God, Steve." 

"So you still think I'm a God." Steve smirked, he couldn't help it. 

"That joke was old the first time you used it."

Steve slid off the chair and moved to his hands and knees. He crawled over to Danny like some lithe jungle cat and knelt before him. "I think you're a God, Danny." He took Danny's hand from his cock. "And I love worshipping at your altar." Steve heard Danny try to silence a chuckle. "Let's see how long you keep laughing." He pressed Danny's hips against the wall and glanced up. "I changed my mind." He took Danny's cock into his mouth and slowly took it down his throat, all the while moaning. 

"Mind-changing," Danny whispered, half to himself, "I wholly approve of that."

Steve drew back, licking his lips and grinning. "Are we having fun yet?"

"Did I say you could stop?" Danny grabbed Steve by the hair and held his head still, fucking his mouth until his balls were going to burst. "That's enough." 

"It's never enough." Steve forced himself to his feet, his tongue slipping between Danny's lips for a gentle kiss. "What next?"

"I wanna play cowboy." Danny leaned down and licked and bit at Steve's nipples, hearing Steve's breath hitch. 

"The last time we did that on the floor," Steve lifted Danny's face up, "your knee was shot for almost three days."

"Fuck my knee." Danny tried to drag Steve to the floor, but Steve shook his head and backed to the table. 

"Danny," Steve lay atop the table, "you can ride me next time we're on a nice soft bed."

"I'll hold you to that." Danny pulled him to the edge of the table and laid a hard smack to Steve's ass. "You want it bad."

"You have no idea. Now, as you are so fond of telling me," Steve smirked, "stop with the foreplay and get to the fucking."

Danny spit on his hand and wet his cock as best he could. He wasn't exactly comfortable with this; he never had been. Danny grunted as he began to force himself in, and oh yeah, his dick was going to pay the price and it wouldn't be the first time. He pulled back suddenly, shaking his head. "I can't do this tonight, Steve; you're too damn tight."

Steve sighed and pointed. "Pants pocket." 

Danny reached down and found the small tube. "Travel-sized lube?" He flipped the cap. "I'm so glad you were a boy scout." Danny anointed his fingers and slid two inside. "Easier for me." Next was his cock and he slicked himself with the lube. "Much better." Now Danny was able to enter with ease and he took his time. 

Steve swung one leg up and around Danny's hip, dragging him in further. "C'mon, Danny, don't wuss out on me." He lifted his head at the same time Danny filled him and his head fell back, smacking onto the table.

Danny stilled, eyes wide. "Are you okay?!"

"Fine, Danny," Steve gritted his teeth, "and if you don't do something, I'll take care of it myself."

"I don't think so," Danny muttered, pulling Steve's other leg over his shoulder. "Mine tonight." He kept his pace steady and slow, his eyes drawn down, watching himself slide in and out. 

"Please don't drag this out." Steve grabbed Danny's hand and brought it to his cock. "Please...."

Danny could have continued like that for God knows how long; he didn't get to do this very often. Steve didn't like to give up control, even when he bottomed, and when he did, Danny took full advantage. But Steve sounded so desperate, and so damn needy, that he gave in. He thrust deeply, hearing guttural moans, and it took a moment to realize they were coming from him. "That's it, babe, I know you're there and I know how much you want to come." Danny pounded harder. "Do it for me."

"You first," Steve whispered, clenching his ass muscles tight. "Come in me, Danny; let me feel it."

Danny so didn't want to, he wanted Steve to let go first, but he made the mistake, if you could call it that, of meeting Steve's eyes; the salacious leer did him in. 

Steve felt the surge of come inside him and he spurted cream all over Danny's hand. His breaths came short, almost panted, and when Danny's head lay against his hip Steve stroked his hair very gently. "Too quick."

"Always with the complaining." Danny couldn't help teasing. "You do realize you're going to kill me one day - death by intense orgasm."

"Yes, but you'll go out with a smile."

Danny picked up Steve's tee and cleaned them up as best he could, and then pulled Steve to his feet, the two stumbling together towards the stairs.

"How about we just lay here?" Steve flopped on the couch and pulled Danny down. "It's comfy."

"You're drunk." Danny crawled atop him.

"Nah," Steve looked quite smug, "just thoroughly fucked."

Danny stretched out along Steve's body, tilting his head up for a kiss. "Love you, McGarrett."

Steve kissed him and pulled back with a grin. "Does this mean next time we'll have sex on the beach?" 

"I don't love you that much." Danny lay his head down upon Steve's chest. "Love me?" 

"Nope." Steve rubbed the back of Danny's neck. "I can't stand you in the slightest."

"Just checking." Danny sighed with contentment; he was **more** than a bit wiped out. "Tomorrow we work on tequila based drinks."

"I make a kick-ass Margarita." Steve watched Danny's eyes drift shut and added, "And we're going to make them out on the beach."

"I don't think so, Steven."

"We'll see, Daniel."

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Catherine found them asleep on the couch and the room reeked of alcohol and sex. She cleaned the table properly (she'd bleach it tomorrow), got a sheet and threw it over them, leaving them there, happy to have the big bed, the big TV, and Netflix all to herself for a change. It had been a busy and tiring evening. Tonight she was going to actually get through a couple of episodes of _Torchwood_. It was tough to get all hot and bothered and horny over John Barrowman when Steve and Danny were with her - they poked fun at the show. 

Tonight at least she could drool over Captain Jack in peace.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

On Friday they were ready to go under.

Danny was worried about Steve behind the bar; the SEAL with the high IQ couldn't seem to keep the drink recipes in his head. He was also pissed that Steve hadn't taken a shave in all that time.

Catherine thought Steve looked dangerous, but to Danny, Steve was cute when scruffy, and that look made Danny want to bend him over the bar and fuck him senseless.

Steve ended up waiting tables; his career as a bartender was over after he made his 5th drink and upset a patron. But his tips for the first night were three times what Danny and Catherine had behind the bar, and he was collecting phone numbers from everyone - men and women - plus various other offers, some of which made the SEAL blush like a teenage schoolgirl. Who knew that edible underwear and chocolate-flavored lube existed?

This went on for three nights, and Danny was beginning to wonder if the dealers had chosen another place.

They agreed to one more night, and if nothing happened they'd move on.

The three men Catherine had originally seen were back and she pointed them out, and apparently they brought their own back-up, because there were seven in total.

It was almost midnight and the deal still hadn't gone down. Steve was ready to give the signal to move when somebody else joined them with a briefcase. 

Although the bar was not empty, it was a Monday, so there were only a few customers that late, and Kono and Jenna were quietly getting them out.

All was quiet and the dealers were about to finish their business when two women entered and one stared hard at Steve. "FUCK, IT'S FIVE-0!"

And that's when all Hell broke loose.

Steve gave chase to the leader out the door, without back-up of course.

Danny proceeded to go on a rant, to nobody in particular, about Steve and then had a nightmarish vision of having to explain to a room full of his superiors, again, about property damage. And if Danny was forced to listen about rising insurance rates - again - he was going to have his own aneurysm.

He wasn't left much time to contemplate anymore because he saw the gun out of the corner of his eye and grabbed the wrist that held the gun, pulled the guy forward and twisted all the way, until the gun dropped. Then the fist came at him, but Danny was quick and blocked it, quickly turned and punched the guy twice in the face, once in the gut, and once more in the face, then cracked his head into the edge of the bar. He cuffed him and took a look around the room, assessing the situation, and then called HPD, advising them to give Five-0 five minutes.

Jenna wasn't much on physical violence, so she kicked one guy in the balls and broke a bottle upside his head. She maced the other one and Catherine smashed his face into the bar twice and they watched him fall. Jenna kept her seat at the bar, casually speaking with Catherine and tasting various concoctions. She called Joe, who was in the hospital with a broken leg and gave him a continuous (and drunken) play-by-play as to what was going on around her. 

Kono had disarmed one perp and decked him, slamming his head into the wall three times, before he dropped. She narrowly avoided a bullet as she ducked behind a table and took two shots, hitting the guy in the hand with the first bullet, making him drop his gun, the second in the leg. He stumbled into the men's room and she followed and flushed his head down the toilet, knocked him unconscious, then dragged him out and left him next to his partner. Danny read them Miranda as he bound their wrists with the 'zip-ties'.

Chin was holding his own with two large men who didn't believe in guns and the three were trading punches and it looked like Chin might get the crap kicked out of him. 

Kono shrieked like she was in a Kung-Fu movie as she jumped on the back of one of the men and maneuvered him towards a table, where she put all her weight atop him and threw him on top of it. The table crashed to the floor, along with the perp, and Kono quickly flipped him onto his stomach and bound his wrists, then read him Miranda - in English and Hawaiian. 

Chin happily restrained the thug he had been fighting with, read him his rights and they turned as they heard the clear sounds of fists on flesh.

Lori was in the midst of a cat fight with the two women. 

"Should we go help?" Kono asked.

"Nah," Danny shook his head, "the woman can hold her own - trust me."

Lori broke a chair over one's head, but the other grabbed her from behind, by the hair, and threw her over a table. Lori shrieked from the pain and felt the back of her head, turning to see the woman holding a handful of her hair. "YOU BITCH!" Lori lunged at her, knocking her into the bar and gave new meaning to the phrase "Tittie-Twister."

HPD showed up and the perps were rounded up and taken into custody. 

Catherine pointed to the TV and they all gawked.

The leader was speeding through the streets in a Ferrari, and Steve was holding onto the car, his body flat over the trunk as the perp weaved in and out of traffic, trying to throw Steve off. 

Steve managed to get himself into the car and grabbed the wheel, and drove them off a pier; he surfaced with the perp and dragged him to shore, and then went back in, returning with an injured dolphin. Steve further explained to the officers that the car hit the dolphin, so he was adding 'Injury to wildlife' to the list of charges.

This of course made Steve McGarrett, once again, the hero of the hour. 

Instead of heading directly back to HQ, Steve headed to the aquarium, more concerned about the dolphin's well-being then the paperwork and case report he would need to do.

Kono had a bruised wrist, but still managed to hoist Jenna over her shoulder and carry her to the car. The analyst was drunk as a skunk and kept gushing about Kono's beautiful ass, of which she had a birds-eye view.

Lori was holding a tuft of hair in her hands and decked the female perp one last time, before she headed off to see Joe, and bawl about the bald spot she now had.

Chin was greeted by Malia and the two opted to go for a romantic moonlight stroll.

Danny, as usual, was stuck with all the paperwork, and he pink-slipped the lot via email, informing them he was hiring a new staff to join Five-0; Steve's position would be taken over by the almost forgotten star of some short-lived TV show about a vampire. 

In reality though, Danny was more than happy to write the reports, making sure they were done right the first time.

Chin was quite articulate; his reports were filled with words that contained more than four syllables each. The Governor would send them back to Danny, requesting that he translate them into basic English.

Kono was the opposite; the ones she submitted were usually 50 words or less. She chased the perp, she caught the perp, the perp was read his/her rights and taken to jail. Those were returned to Danny as well, because further information was always needed.

Jenna said that technically she was still CIA and wasn't required to write anything and Lori said the same thing about Homeland. When Danny pointed out that Lori was working for the Governor, Lori explained that she wasn't reporting to him anymore, that now she was just a liaison with Washington, and why didn't Danny know? 

And although Danny made fun of Steve and his reports, the SEAL did, in fact, write class-A reports - he really did - but he was so specific about every minute detail, that what should be 1-2 pages turned into 10. 

Danny painstakingly rewrote them, downplaying the violence that Steve seemed to delight in adding to their reports for the Governor. In fact, the Governor gave Danny a salary increase if the detective would write the reports. When Danny wrote them, there was minimal mention of bullet holes, where the bullets hit, and how much damage was done, plus absolutely no mention of anybody bleeding out. Steve also had total enjoyment in attaching full-color photos of any and all injuries that his team suffered, and for some reason they were always delivered to Denning while he was in the middle of lunch.

And then there were Steve's various requisitions that (purposely) ended each report. Just why wouldn't the Governor allow Steve to arm his team with Steyr sub-machine guns? The little fact, which Danny pointed out, was that they were illegal, but of course that didn't deter Steve, who next asked about poison darts when going after perps. And why shouldn't Five-0 have their very own helicopter? Preferably a fully-armed Blackhawk? Danny was eventually ordered by the Governor to take over the requisitions after Steve somehow managed to get one approved for a flame thrower. And the detective, who had a gift for bullshit, still hadn't come up with a plausible explanation for that expenditure in the upcoming annual budget meeting - stating that Steve "wanted it because he didn't have one" was not going to cut it.

God, thinking about Steve's reports alone could drive Danny to drink.

Danny put his head down for a moment and fell asleep, and when he opened his eyes he saw Catherine sitting cross-legged on his office couch, her face buried in the latest Patterson. "Is it good?"

Catherine looked up. "Very, Detective, and I brought you sustenance since I knew you weren't leaving here until everything was done."

Danny lifted his head to see a paper bag on his desk and he opened it to find a cup of coffee and a danish. "Aw, gee whiz, thanks, Mom."

"Don't mention it." 

Danny sipped at his coffee and ate his danish, and glared across to Steve's office. "I'm going to kill him and he knows it."

"You need to watch this first." Catherine logged onto Danny's computer and pulled up an online local news feed. "I met up with him and brought him the truck after I gave my statement to HPD."

_Steve was being interviewed at the aquarium after he saved the dolphin and one of the reporters innocently mentioned Steve making Five-0 what it was and asked if he could have a one-on-one interview with him._

_Steve must have decided to channel his inner-Danny because he went ballistic on the poor man as he raved about his team, and how they deserved to be interviewed and not him, and did the people forget that he had an amazing team in the first place? (There were a few bleeped words). The reporter asked another question and this time Steve channeled his inner-SEAL and snarled at the man, (more bleeps) and reminded him that Five-0 was **NOT** a solo operation. He then went on to extol Kono and Chin, and Jenna and Lori, and one Danny Williams, who had saved their asses a few more times than Steve himself. Then Steve had a few more choice words for the reporter (which were also bleeped from the broadcast) before he grabbed Catherine by the arm and dragged her to the truck (she was clearly seen smirking at the reporter) and pealed out of the parking lot._

"Wow," Danny blinked at the end of the video, "just...wow."

"Somebody posted the uncensored version on YouTube," Catherine pulled that up as well, "and so far there have been over 500 hits and it's only 3 in the morning. Imagine what it's going to be like by noon tomorrow. He's going to be an Internet superstar soon."

"Just what his ego needs," Danny cracked, but did get up and walk to Steve's office. "Hi."

"They called me a hero, Danno, but I'm not." Steve leaned against his desk. "I just did what I was supposed to do."

"I am not at all happy about what you did, but I saw the news and heard what you said about us - the team." Danny leaned in for a kiss. "You get a free pass on this one, McGarrett; no lecture from me."

"Yes, Danny."

"But if you go after a perp like that again, I will kick your ass six ways to Sunday."

"Yes, Danny." Steve smiled a little. 

"And another thing...."

"Yes, Danny?" Steve was giving him that shy smile that made Danny's heart do flip-flops.

"Never mind." Danny threw up his arms in defeat. "I give up; it's a losing battle." 

"Does this mean we can go home?" Catherine sighed. "I'm tired."

"The bed awaits," Steve grinned at her.

"No, **my** bed awaits; I don't like sleeping with you," Catherine said, chuckling herself at her wording. "No, that came out wrong. I don't like - **sleeping** \- with you; either one of you, if you want to know the truth. Danny spreads himself out taking up half the bed, and as for you, you've got a body temperature of at least 115 and I can't stand heat when I'm sleeping. And I hate sharing the upstairs TV with the two of you; you never watch what I want to."

"Fine, but you're not taking the TV into your room," Danny told her.

"I can have it if I want; I watch more than you do. Right, Steve?" Catherine waited for an answer.

"Uh...."

"Tell her I need the big TV to sleep." Danny smirked at Steve. "Go on."

"I...." Steve's eyes whipped from one to the other. 

"Well?" Danny and Catherine asked him, waiting patiently for his answer.

"I think I hear somebody calling me." Steve quickly walked to the elevator.

"Fine," Danny said snidely, as the two followed him, "she can have the 40 and you can buy a new 46."

Catherine folded her arms as they stepped onto the elevator. "Then I want a 46 also, with a DVR."

"A DVR?" Danny was gritting his teeth. "If I don't have one in the bedroom, you don't get one."

"And I want a Blu-Ray player also." Catherine laid her head on Steve's left shoulder. "You'll buy it for me, won't you, Steve?"

"Buy it yourself; you have a job." Danny rested his head against Steve's right arm. "I on the other hand am half-broke from child support, so Steve's going to buy one for me. Right, Steven?" He gave Steve a big hug and a soulful glance.

The elevator doors opened and Steve nearly tripped over his own feet running to his truck. He started the engine, pulled out and stopped beside them. "I'll see you at home."

Danny was fighting a smile. "Did you get as much enjoyment out of that as I did?"

"Oh yeah," Catherine nodded. 

They got into the Camaro and as Danny pulled out, he was openly grinning. "Let's do some late-night electronics shopping; Wal-Mart is open." He tossed something to her. "Steve'll buy."

"You lifted his wallet?"

"Uh-huh."

"This is wrong," Catherine stated, but it was clear she was trying to convince herself, "so very wrong."

"I happen to know that he's got an Amex Platinum Card, which has no credit limit."

"None?"

"Nope."

"Can you get a new car with it?"

"Probably."

"We'll go to the dealership next week."

"It's a date."

**~~~~~~~~~~**

By noon the next day, the perps were all charged, drugs and weapons had been confiscated, and Steve received a special award from the aquarium, plus he got to name the dolphin.

Danny thought that 'Fido' was a stupid name for a fish, which got him a lecture from Grace, who pointed out dolphin's were mammals, not fish.

Grace also convinced Steve to pick another name, and henceforth the newest dolphin at the aquarium would be called "Fred".

Catherine decided that tending bar was much too dangerous for her and within a week had found another job: Sky-diving instructor. Her inner-sadist was given free reign every time she cowed a student into jumping; Danny was the first.

Five-0 now had a pool as to how long Catherine would keep this job.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Danny had a meeting with Rachel at Grace's school, so Steve and Catherine had a nice dinner of instant macaroni and cheese, which was one of the few things Catherine felt safe in cooking. 

Throughout dinner Steve was going on about flavored lube and edible undies and other things that had been suggested to him in the bar.

Catherine finally got fed up, grabbed the keys to the truck and told him they were going out, and it was a surprise.

Steve didn't argue, he was bored, although he did question why she appeared to be driving straight to the Red-Light district.

She didn't answer, but eventually did park, got out of the truck, and pointed to a sign.

By coincidence, Danny was driving home after his school meeting when he chased down a guy who was swerving all over the road and nearly hit a kid. Finally getting the guy to pull over, Danny could see he was clearly drunk and was tempted to beat him senseless. 

Catherine waited until HPD had taken the guy away before she approached him.

Danny was curious as to why she was there. Other than bars/strip clubs, the only place open was...."You're going to Secret's?"

"You know the place?" Catherine was curious. 

"They've got the nicest variety of porn," Danny shrugged. "I was pointed here by some guys in vice." It took him a moment to realize what he'd just admitted. "Uh, I had a dry spell before Steve - like two years."

"I didn't say a word, Danny, and I learned about the place from my buddy's at Pearl."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Steve wanted to get flavored lube and this is the only place I know, but...." Catherine's voice trailed off.

"But?" Danny prompted.

"He won't get out of the truck; he's too embarrassed."

"Steve won't get out of the truck?" Danny had to get clarification.

"Apparently," Catherine bit her lip to stave off her laughter, "the worldly, dirty-talking, occasionally kinky, sexual God known as Steve McGarrett has never been inside a porno store."

"You're shittin' me?" Danny was giggling, which turned into a full fledged laugh. "Oh, this is too good to pass up." He nodded to his car. "Let me park properly and we'll - escort him - inside."

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Drink Recipes: **   
> **Sex on the Beach:** 1 1/2 oz vodka + 1/2 oz peach schnapps + 2 oz cranberry juice + 2 oz orange juice   
> **Blow Job:** 3 oz Smirnoff Raspberry Twist vodka + 3 oz Sprite soda   
> **Screaming Orgasm:** 1 oz vodka + 1 1/2 oz Bailey’s Irish cream + 1/2 oz Kahlua coffee liqueur   
> **Ultimate Orgasm:** 1/2 oz Kenya Gold + 1/2 oz triple sec + 1 oz Bailey's Irish cream   
> **Mutual Orgasm:** 2 oz amaretto almond liqueur + 1 oz creme de cacao + 1 oz vodka + 2 oz half-and-half   
> **Multiple Orgasm:** 2/3 oz orange liqueur + 2/3 oz Bailey's Irish cream + 1 oz milk + strawberries   
> **Golden Shower:** 1 oz vodka + 1 oz orange juice + 1/2 oz fresh lemon juice + 1 splash triple sec + ginger ale   
> **Butt Sex:** 2 oz strong black coffee + 1 oz vodka + 1 oz triple sec + 1/3 oz lemon juice; whipped cream; Start with the coffee, preferably espresso. Add in the vodka, triple sec and lemon juice (lime juice can be used instead) and stir. Top with the whipped cream.   
> **Slow Comfortable Screw:** 1 oz sloe gin + 1/2 oz Southern Comfort peach liqueur + orange juice


End file.
